How to Rebuke the Unsaved


We at the Society of Christians for the Restoration of Old Testament Morality have compiled this list of talking points to guide saved Christians in rebuking those who cannot or will not see the self-evident truth of Christianity. All of these talking points come from actual experience in sharing the love of Christ with unsaved trash.

If anyone asks you how you know the Bible is right, show where in the Bible it says so.

If you have a personal religious experience, then it must be a revelation from the Most High. If anyone else has a personal religious experience, then it must be demonic oppression.

Allege that “a growing body of evidence” or “scientific studies” prove your point. Hope that no one calls you on that. If anyone does, simply say, “Do your own research.”

If you absolutely must quote evidence, find an article that those working in the relevant discipline have thoroughly debunked, but that non-experts with an ideological axe to grind regard as Divinely inspired and inerrant. Alternatively, find three or so sources that cite only one another.

Alternatively, even though the ink is still wet on many of your “traditional” family values, you can follow the time-tested tradition of rewriting reality to suit your agenda. Assert as a self-evident truth that Jefferson, Franklin, and Paine were devout Southern Baptists, that Hitler was an atheist evolutionist, or that abstinence-only education has proved to be a huge success.

When someone presents you with with counter-evidence, and you don’t simply feel like ignoring it, ridicule the notion that the Bible is right only when secular sources confirm it. Alternatively, attack any source of counter-evidence as being biased against your position. After all, whatever disagrees with your preconceived notions cannot be true.

You know the inner lives of the unsaved better than they do.

Assert a close connection between the Old Testament and the United States Constitution. So few people have read either that you are usually safe.

IF YOU SAY IT IN ALL CAPS AND USE A LOT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS, THEN IT MUST BE TRUE!!!!!

Assert that misbehavior by Christians does not invalidate Christianity. Ignore the Bible verses that suggest that it does.

Assert that misbehavior by at least one atheist invalidates atheism.

Keep redefining “true Christian” until the number of true Christians other than you asymptotically approaches zero.

Say that evolution and atheism are religions.

Say that Christianity is not a religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Impose enough unreasonable conditions on a debate or test that no one takes you up on it. Then you can declare victory.

“Prove” that the Bible is true by pointing out things in it that are right. It doesn’t matter how blatant your cherry-picking is.

Feel free to use creationist arguments that even Answers in Genesis says not to use. What does AiG know?

Lie for Jesus. Okay, so the Bible says that lying is a sin, but it’s not the one (or however many we’re up to now) unforgivable sin, now, is it?

Quote-mine. Better yet, let Jack Chick or someone similar do it for you. If a fellow Christian says that so-and-so said something, then it must be true, since no one ever lies for Jesus.

Bury the unsaved person under a mountain of red herrings.

Say that the ways of God are unknowable. Cite Job.

Say that the ways of God are manifest. Cite Romans.

Being saved means having it both ways:

Believe in multiple, mutually conflicting principles, and use the one that proves whatever point you are trying to make at that moment. Here are some examples:

When evidence comes to light that seems to support your position, say that the evidence supports your position, but when evidence comes to light that seems to contradict your position, harp on the importance of faith.

Catholics are Christians when you’re trying to prove that America is a Christian nation, but not when someone brings up the Crusades or the Inquisition.

Good things that happen to Christians, or that Christians do, are proof of the truth of Christianity. Bad things that happen to Christians, or that Christians do, are completely beside the point.

Come up with arguments as to why other religions are wrong, but refuse to apply them to Christianity. Imperfections in the Qur’an are a good example.

Come up with arguments as to why Christianity is right, but refuse to apply them to other religions. For example, if you think you can show that there is a God, ignore the logical leap from any old god to your God.

If you are losing an argument:

Of course, if you’re on your own home turf, proving you wrong is a bannable offense, but if you’re not, use the following:

Say that you will pray for that person.

Say that you have a right to your own opinion and suggest that by disagreeing with you, that person is trying to take away that right.

Say that unless someone has read every book on theodicy ever written, that person has no right to express an opinion on the problem of evil.

Speaking of the problem of evil, answer “Where was God?” with “Where was man?” Never mind that no one ever said that humankind was omni-everything.

Speculate as to the unsaved person’s motives, and then attack those motives. Accuse the unsaved person of trolling, or assert that a so-called Christian (N.B.: never a real Christian) must have hurt that person very badly. Alternatively, if the unsaved person says something that is not anti-gay enough for your own liking, suggest that the unsaved person is gay.

Say, “You’ll see that I’m right when you end up in hell” or “So-and-so agreed with you, but that person is now in hell.” Refuse to say how you know.

Immediately change the subject, even if you started the conversation.

Say that the unsaved person’s argument shows a lack of spiritual discernment.

Shift the goalposts.

Have a list of logical fallacies memorized, and see how many you can use. Appeal to spite, ridicule, or just about anything except facts and logic.

Remember that as a saved Christian, you are saved by the blood of Jesus from ever having the burden of proof.

Any anecdotal evidence that you can come up with has more probative value than all of the other side’s statistics.

Pick and choose the arguments to which you will deign to respond. Then you can just ignore the hard ones.

Point out how the unsaved person’s arguments make you feel. No, there’s nothing at all politically correct about that.

Just keep saying the same things over and over. When people start to ignore you, say that no one can answer your arguments and declare victory.

If it’s plain that you’ve lost the argument, don’t be shy about turning your immutable dogmas on a dime and making an argument that directly contradicts your old one.

If you are losing an argument based on the Bible:

Say that the devil can quote Scripture for his own purposes.

Say that the unsaved are incapable of understanding Scripture, specifically, the inconvenient parts. The parts that you like should still be given their plain literal meaning.

Accuse the unsaved person of twisting Scripture, even though it’s more likely that the unsaved person is quoting Scripture accurately and it is you who are twisting it.

Say that any Biblical passage that you don’t like was “nailed to the Cross,” was “meant for the church back then,” or needs to be “interpreted correctly” or “read in context,” or that unnamed “Bible scholars” say that the passage means something quite different from what the words on paper say. Under no circumstances should you let anyone else do the same on the subject of homosexuality.

Ask, “Since you know the Bible so well, why don't you believe?”

Accuse the unsaved person of anti-Christian persecution (if the topic is the New Testament) or of anti-Semitism (if the topic is the Old Testament).

Repeat ad nauseam the Bible verses that you like, completely ignoring those that you don’t.

Assert that you’re going to find the Bible verses that will completely blow away your opponent’s argument, but that you just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

New! Refer to the following flow chart:

Bible flow chart
See also How to Rebuke Homosexuals.

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