How to Rebuke Homosexuals


We at the Society of Christians for the Restoration of Old Testament Morality have compiled this list of talking points to guide saved Christians in rebuking those who have chosen to become homosexuals. All of these talking points come from actual experience in sharing the love of Christ with those disgusting sodomites.

Point out where in the Bible it says that homosexuality is wrong.

If the homosexual asks why the Bible is credible, point out where in the Bible it says so.

If the homosexual tries to argue that the anti-homosexual verses of the Bible need to be interpreted correctly, or were meant for the church back then, say that God’s Word is eternal and should be read literally. Don’t worry about the context.

If the homosexual points out laws in the Bible that cramp your style, say that God’s Word needs to be interpreted correctly and that much of it was meant for the church back then. Also, rebuke the homosexual for taking verses out of context.

Assert that homosexuality is a choice. When the homosexual points out how absurd that is, keep changing the definition of “choice.”

Take it for granted that people know what difference it makes whether homosexuality is a choice. Under no circumstances should you consider whether Christianity is a choice or what difference that makes.

Say that homosexuality is unnatural because wild animals don’t do it.

When the homosexual points out wild animals that do it, say that wild animals are not a guide to morality for humankind.

Say that homosexuality is unnatural because it goes against human history.

When the homosexual points out human traditions that accommodate homosexuality, point out that crucifixion is a fact of human history, too, so that human history is not a guide to modern morality.

Make an analogy between homosexuality and anything that you don’t like. After all, if you can make an analogy, it has to be true.

When a homosexual tries to make an analogy to the African-American civil-rights movement, say how totally offensive you find any suggestion that the two issues have anything to do with each other.

Argue that equal rights for homosexuals will lead to affirmative action; as proof, make an analogy to the African-American civil-rights movement.

If a homosexual points out that the same argument could be used against equal rights for anyone, including you, immediately change the subject.

Argue from what would happen in an imagined perfect world.

Accuse the homosexual of arguing from what would happen in an imagined perfect world.

When a homosexual asserts anything, demand proof to a philosophical certainty.

When you assert anything, your own say-so is sufficient proof.

If you absolutely have to cite scientific evidence, be sure to find a source that the overwhelming majority of people in the relevant discipline regard as having been completely debunked, but that non-scientists with an ideological axe to grind regard as infallible.

Cherry-pick your evidence. Any bad behavior by a homosexual counts against all homosexuals; any good behavior by a homosexual doesn’t count at all.

Argue from what “everyone knows” to be true, but only when it helps your position.

Argue that homosexual issues need to be decided democratically (unless they concern the Boy Scouts or the District of Columbia).

When a newspaper reports something that makes homosexuals look good, blame media bias.

When a newspaper reports something that makes (or can be twisted to make) homosexuals look bad, take the position that if a newspaper says it, it has to be true.

Argue that equal rights for homosexuals will lead us down the slippery slope to polygamy, which runs against your “traditional,” “Old Testament” morality. Remain willfully ignorant of what both human tradition and the Old Testament have to say about polygamy.

Argue that the human body was not intelligently designed for sodomy. (Prostate? What’s that?)

Argue that God loves us so much that He gave us laws on sexual purity to protect us from HIV.

Argue that God created HIV to punish those who disobey His laws on sexual purity.

New! Argue that people living with HIV must be quarantined because HIV is just too easy to transmit to innocent victims.

New! Argue that there is no point in having any compassion for people living with HIV because HIV is just too difficult to transmit to innocent victims.

The homosexual will argue that God’s aim must not be very good and will point to HIV among hemophiliacs, neonates, and lesbians. Therefore, be sure to leave some wiggle room in your infallible and absolute dogma.


See also How to Rebuke the Unsaved.

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